I probably won’t ever know the true cause of her death.  Her doctor’s will use the terms Staphylococcus Aureus and Toxic Shock Syndrome as the cause of her death, but I simply like to think of it as her having a panic attack because she was frequently being separated from her family during those crucial, final hours of her life.

For those that know me well, they know about my sister.  She loved everyone and she always was giving of herself despite her conditions.  You see, my sister has battled her whole adult life with addictions which unfortunately led to her being incarcerated for half of her life as well.  She was never a bad person, she just had a bad problem… hers was always the fear of the unknown.

The love my sister had for me was unbreakable, starting on day one of my life where she aptly named me Danny.  She would go on to accept the responsibility to raise my brother and I in her teenage years when most people are thinking about partying and sex.  She worked, clothed, fed, hustled…did whatever she could to give whatever she had to anyone around her that was in need.  Then the tables turned and she became the one that would be in need.  My family never stopped supporting her.

I, on the other hand, am embarrassed to say I spent many of the last 9 yrs not speaking with her as much as I could have.  I’d selfishly become bitter that she wouldn’t quit her addictions for her children and I.  She’d write me countless letters and cards.  She’d call often, until I blocked my phone from long distance calls from my nephew running up my bill to strangers from myspace (which adversely blocked collect calls from her).  She never gave up hope on me, coming back to her.

I owe it to my good friend Omar Pettis on being instrumental in getting my head right about my sister.  For without him telling me what an ass I was being by not talking with my sister and that I’d someday regret it, I would not have got to share many of the past 2 yrs with her.  My good friend Anne Lambert acted as my emotional mediary for my sister and I when I just didn’t have the right words to express.  Truth is, I never stopped loving my sister ever.  In fact, it was the exact opposite.

I only wanted her to get better, to do better, to want more.  In my oft-times twisted, warped rationalization of things, I felt if I did not shower my sister with attention and material things while she was locked up, that she’d have something to look forward to even more so when she returned to the outside.  We’d be best of friends again.  She’d teach me about the streets, I’d teach her about the world.  We’d travel and laugh at each other again.  We’d listen to her damn favorite records over and over and over til I got tired and left the room.  She had under 6 months left to be freed and this time would be different for everyone.

Among my sister’s personal belongings was a journal she recently started jan 01, 2009.  She wrote everyday on how she had complete faith in God and how her life was changing for the better.  She was praying everyday on how life would be differently once she transferred to Charlotte.  She never named me exclusively, but I know that had a lot to do with her excitement.  I’m glad I got to visit as much as I could, got her all the things she needed to make herself comfortable.  After about maybe three weeks of being in Charlotte, she mysteriously was rushed out of town because of “Administrative reasons.”  No official word of why.   It turns out she contracted a small stomach virus that probably could have been cured immediately if she just visited a hospital in town.  But after 2 weeks of secrecy, and being shuffled around without anyone getting to see her or talk to her, my beautiful sister is no longer with us.

I’m angry because she didn’t get to experience life as she was supposed to see it.  I’m thankful I got to hold her hand and talk to her in her final days alive.  I’m grateful I got to play her favorite song to her over and over and over in what would become her final hour.  It’s poignantly prophetic, actually, Klymaxx – I Miss You.

Thank you for the birthday present that I’ll never forget.  I love you Deena, your little brother Danny.

10: Pretty Woman (1990): Richard Gere, Julia Roberts.
Every woman’s fantasy is to be swept off her feet by her Knight in Shining Armor.  In this case, the Knight is a multimillionaire and the girl is a prostitute.  Only in Hollywood can this happen.  Fellas, no matter what they say, you can’t turn a…Oh hum.. into a housewife.

09: Ghost (1990): Demi Moore, Patrick Swayze.
Dog!  You give up a guaranteed trip to Heaven to hang around Earth to follow your girl around?  That’s gangsta or stalking to the Nth degree.  Either way you should expect a little spiritual love connection after watching this flick.

08: An Officer and a Gentleman (1982): Richard Gere, Debra Winger, Louis Gossett, Jr.
If I had to sum up this movie in one word, it’d be “determination”.  If you never give up on your dreams, anything is possible.

07: Jerry Maguire (1996): Tom Cruise, Renee Zellweger, Cuba Gooding, Jr.
C’mon, three words sum this movie up.  You Complete Me.  If you ain’t making out at the end of this movie, I don’t know what else to do for you!

06: When Harry Met Sally (1989): Meg Ryan, Billy Crystal.
This movie explores the taboo topic of “Can two people of the opposite sex be friends even after they’ve slept together.”  This phenomena is also affectionately known as friends with benefits.

05: Love & Basketball(2000): Omar Epps, Sanaa Lathan.
Ever have to chose between something you love and someone you love?  This movie, in short, explores the possibility of you getting your cake and eating it too.

04: Out of Sight (1998): J.Lo, George Clooney.
This romantic comedy just goes to show that opposites really do attract.  It’s a modern day cops and robbers story where the tables are turned and its a woman cop chasing the bad guy.  George and Jennifer have a magical chemistry on screen that makes you wonder what went on when the cameras weren’t rolling.

03: When a Man Loves a Woman(1994): Meg Ryan, Andy Garcia.
..To have and to hold.  For richer and for poorer.  To love through the good times and the bad.  Have you ever stayed with someone whom you know got issues?  Drugs, mental, financial, etc.?  Andy Garcia proves that nothing can shake his love in this tearjerker.  By the end of the movie you are hoping to get a glimpse of the voodoo doll Meg has to be hiding away of Andy.  No guy can be this whipped.  Alas, he’s just the epitome of patience.  On second thought, don’t watch this movie with your girl unless you really want to answer the question of  “Why you can’t be more like him?”

02: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004): Jim Carey, Kate Winslet.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you wish you had never met that person?  This movie takes that concept to the extreme once Jim Carey accidentally finds out his ex-girlfriend had an experimental procedure done to erase him from her memories.  Not to be outdone, he rushes to have the same procedure done himself only to realize once again all of the things he really loved about his ex in the first place.

01: Love Jones(1997): Larenz Tate, Nia Long.
Smart, funny, sexy and sophisticated is this love story which captures the essence of most young, educated African-Americans today.  This movie has the distinction of being my favorite movie of all time, so I am a little biased.  While the plot at a high level is simplistic: boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy loses girl, the characters are realistic and personable and is truly what makes this movie fascinating.

Honorable Mentions:

Vanilla Sky (2000): Penelope Cruz, Tom Cruise.
The English Patient (1996): Ralph Fiennes, Juliette Binoche
Sleepless in Seattle (1993): Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan
Legends of the Fall (1994): Brad Pitt, Julia Ormond
The Notebook (2004): Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams
Jason’s Lyric (1994): Allen Payne, Jada Pinkett Smith
Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008): Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem, Scarlett Johansson

I can’t really explain it.  James Taylor sang about it best.  There is something magical about growing up in North Carolina that maybe only people in boston and new york or michigan and ohio can understand.  It’s often called one of the best rivalries in all of sports–the Carolina-Duke rivalry.  The real 8 mile (sorry Eminem).  The Dean.  Coach K.  Grant Hill straddling the back of a bloodied Eric Montross after a monster dunk.  Danny Green putting deez nuts in Paulus’s face on a one handed jam.  It’s Michael Jordan, Christian Laettner, Jerry Stackhouse, Elton Brand…the list of household names almost seem endless.

Whoever your favorite player or whatever you favorite memory of the series maybe, one thing is absolutely certain.  There is no other basketball game that is as anticpated each year as these 2 meetings.  Two of the four all time winningest basketball programs in the world beating the crap out of each other no matter how many All-Americans or walkons grace the teams year in and year out.  The games almost always go down to the wire to determine the winner, yet in the end everyone wins because we have just witnessed 40 minutes of amazing competitiveness.  This is how the game is meant to be played.  Passion, outstanding individual performances, teamwork and defense, crazed fans and unsung heroes.   In our day and age, when steriods and scandal are running rampant through sports, it’s good to celebrate amateur athletes performing on the grandest stage of them all, fueled by the sheer desire to not lose to the team in the other shade of blue.  Especially if its Dookie Blue!

Aaron McGruder

questioning the President’s blackness, as this one involved Aaron McGruder, the creator of the cartoon The Boondocks.  The Boondocks, for those of you who are unfamiliar with the comic, is a highly satirical  and controversial cartoon that often lampoons popular African-American culture as well as current events and political topics.

“Barack is the son of an immigrant, not the descendant of slaves. It’s like comparing a half-Japanese man to the oppressed Chinese who built the American railroads. Yes, they are both Asian, but it is not an honest or accurate comparison. We all share the common experiences of being Black in America today – we do not all share a common history. A history that in part makes us who we are – and in some cases (as with the psychological damage that still lingers from slavery) holds us back. These are not, I believe, insignificant distinctions.”  — Aaron McGruder

Henry Louis Gates, Jr.