1.  Yo quero Taco Bell.   ¡usted debe saber hablar español!

Everyone speaks spanish here… your neighbors, the people at mcdonald’s on the french fries,  the grocery store clerks, the babies, hell even the dogs bark in espanol.  Thank God I managed to procure a version of Spanish Rosetta Stone before I left Charlotte.  I mean, if you didn’t see American flags flying here and there as you traveled about town, One could easily be mistaken for being in a Latin American country.  For those few people that you run into that don’t speak Spanish, they speak French!  I’m a little pissed that all of those years of French in high school and college didn’t properly prepare me for Haitian french accents nor speed of delivery.

2.  Don’t let the smoove taste fool you!

While it’s true that all of the glamour and glitz you see on tv and in movies about Miami is true with the beautiful cars, beautiful people, gorgeous water and city sky line, that’s really only about 5% of actual Miami.  I mean Lebron, J.Lo and Scarface stays there, but the other 95% of Miamians stay in places that look more like this ghetto below:

3.  WTFX is up with all of these mosquitoes??

Living in what I guess could be described as one giant, humid marshland, Miami has some of the most viscious mosquitoes I’ve ever encountered.  I mean they wait on your doorstep for you to come out.  They roll in swarms like gnats.  They’ll bite your eyelids.  They bite your earlobes.  If you wore a full kevlar suit from head to toe, with only the left pinkie toe slightly exposed from a sock hole, expect to find a red mosquito bite there in a matter of minutes of being outside.  What I’m saying in short is, if I can find away to mix the sweet smells of Cool Water cologne with the power of OFF! mosquito repellant, I can forgo all of this Law school BS and retire on my island in http://www.theworld.ae.  The only thing that trumps the mosquitoes here in numbers are the spiders!    Normally, I’d cut down all spider nets and squish each one within seconds of seeing them, however, they are the lesser of the evils in this battle of worthless insects.  Now if I could only get them to capture and eat all the mosquitoes around my pad, my time in Miami would be magnificent.

4.  Yes those jeans do make your butt look fat and not in the good way

If you are not already a native of this area, you are overweight when you finally visit.  Yes, your body is not in shape for that bikini.  Dude, put that keg belly away.  You may, in all reality, be an 8 to 10 on the flyness scale in the city that you come from, but rest assured when you make it down here, you will be the ugly new kid in class.  For heaven’s sake, one of my first order’s of business was to get my ass down to the neighborhood gym because I saw so many good looking people.  I’m usually the one that doesn’t care too much that I got some nice love handles, but seriously, people down here don’t play fair.  There are pencil-legged, early-Arnold Schwarzenegger’ed bodied, HOMELESS guys on South Beach that are winning Charlie Sheen style.  The writer’s of People Magazine were waaay off when they voted J.Lo the sexiest woman on the planet this year.  The editor’s only needed to take a walk down Collins Avenue to officially recind J.Lo’s title.  As far as I am concerned, King Kong ain’t got ish on the beautiful people of Miami!

Until I got here, I never understood why that, in Tony Toni Tone’s classic song,  it “Never Rained in Southern California.”  The answer is completely simple and clear to me now!  It never rains there because all of the allotted rain clouds of SoCal are hovering over Miami prepared to drop buckets of parade drenchers, everyday, at 10 minute intervals.  The crazy thing is, the grounds dry up immediately after the rains, and it’s sometimes hard to tell that it even rained a few minutes ago.  If you’re planning on hitting up the clubs in the city, make sure not to have the hairdos that cant get wet, or the blue suede shoes on that will get messed up.  Fellas, bring your rubbers (boots) and ladies prepared to get wet in this romantic city!

…Shit, who am I?
It’s not important
But they call me Brother to the Night…

— Darius Lovehall in Love Jones

It’s funny the things people do when they start to fear for their own mortality.  Some people switch (or find) religions.  Many people look at their bucket list and begin crossing things off in a grocery-shopping-item-in-the-buggy fashion.  Others give up the whereabouts of suspected terrorists right before being waterboarded again.  Folks like myself, well, we drop perfectly healthy careers in pursuit of other dreams and passions all in the name of “Because.”  There is an even smaller population of people that actually want to get answers to hard to find truths.  Like who the F#$% am I really and where are the rest of my peoples at?

Henry Louis Gates, Jr.

I’ve always been one to seek information about knowledge of self, but I never took the extra step of doing the hard work of tracing back my roots.  Partly inspired by the television series put on by Dr. Henry Louis Gates, Jr. and overwhelmingly inspired by the courage and experiences of Ms. Dana Saxon, whom I swear is my long lost soulmate(that’s another blog), I set out to solve one of my life’s biggest mysteries.

Why, for as long as I could remember, have I resonated with so many things Africa… particularly of the Sudan and Egypt?  Was all my good hair (when I could grow it) attributed to my Korean heritage, or was there some good hair’d-ed Native Americans in the family tree?

Last August, in what began as an ordinary day of me just surfing the net, bored at work, turned into a bit of an information gold mine.  There it was in big, bold, digital headlines, “Foxx Learns His African Roots“.  The Foxx here being Mayor Anthony Foxx; Charlotte’s second African-American mayor since the world famous Harvey Gantt ruled almost two decades ago.

It turned out that African-Ancestry had come to town the day before for their travelling, “We Are Africa” road tour and chose our mayor to be their test subject.  If you didn’t know already, African Ancestry is a company that specializes in genetic genealogy of black Americans.  

“WTF?!”  How did I miss the note that they were in town?!  I was going out of my mind that I had missed the opportunity to visit them locally!  After reading the article on our Mayor, I frantically checked their website to see if there was going to be another session that I could attend.  Luckily, I sighed a breath of relief as I read that they would be taking their road tour to Raleigh the next day.  I wasn’t going to miss the presentation twice, so my good friend Anne and I left 4 hours early to make sure we’d be able to get to talk to the presenters.

We Are Africa Road Tour

After talking with a few other artists and business folk peddling their Africentric wares, the time for the main event had finally arrived.  The President of AA, Gina Paige, who I would visually describe as a younger, prettier, smaller version of Jill Scott, began sharing her personal genealogical background quest and how she came about starting the company.  She spent about 15 minutes to present her business model, but I already knew that I wouldn’t be denied my DNA kit after driving a couple of hours to see this.  Even though  I was dead set on purchasing a DNA test, there were a few moments of hesitation on my part.

I mean, I already knew that my mother was full-blooded, Pusan-born South Korean so that ruled out half of the tests that I could take.  However, what made me nervous was the statistical success rate of linking my paternal lineage to Africa.  In fact, the rate was a staggering 65% success rate for people that took the paternal test to trace back to Africa.  Why so low you ask?  Because all of those damn slavemasters that were creeping up in the cabins making mulatto babies!  The maternal lineage success rate was much, much higher at 92%.  Taking all things into consideration, the price of NOT knowing was far greater than the asking fee for the test, so I purchased my test, submitted my DNA sample and waited on pins and needles for the next 2 months.

Mayor Foxx, Fulani Warrior

So what about those dreams of Pyramids and Ancient Sudanese empires?  Well, geographically, my father’s father’s father’s father’s father was a hybrid like me.  Only his people were from Liberia and Guinea-Bissau.  My DNA has a 100% sequence similarity match of two Ethnic groups today — the Djola people of Guinea-Bissau and the Kpelle people of Liberia.

While I can’t quite trace my roots to Egyptian glory just yet, I have been excited to find out that the Kpelle people, whom now reside predominantly in Liberia, migrated from the Sudan during the sixteenth century to escape internal conflicts between warring tribes.  It’s also been well documented on how Egyptians invaded and conquered Sudan, so I can still hope, that somewhere a Kpelle ancestor bred with an Egyptian.

In future blogs, I’ll try and share some of the interesting characteristics and traits that I have found out about both tribes and how I seem to naturally parallel with them.

Mmmm... Jada Pinkett Smith

Today’s installment is a news item straight from our NC backyard that has been getting some worldwide attention recently.  When I first read the story, I thought I was reading a modified script of the movie, Set It Off, except with no Jada Pinkett Smith or Queen Latifah.  The themes are essentially the same premise;  Let’s all take a look at what happens to ordinary people when they are pushed to desperation.

Despite some popular opinions (and the crazy ass photos he’s managed to take), James Richard Verone is not crazy.  In fact, he may have just been the sole pioneer to usher in the next, latest, greatest fad that, I predict, will sweep this nation like LeBron bashing, skinny jeans and pilates.

2011 Trendsetter of the Year

I know what you are thinking… “What could be as cool as hating on LeBron because he is working out to Pilates while wearing skinny jeans?”  Well, for starters, this man is robbing banks, taxpayers and the hearts of politicos everywhere that want to see change with the nation’s healthcare system.  How cool is that?

For the low, low price of $1, Mr. Verone had concocted the best healthcare plan in the world.  Just rob a bank and let the system deal with his failing health problems.  That system which cost NC taxpayers, in 2009, $26, 955 on average without including the extra costs for any special medical attention is no laughing matter.

Now as a responsible tax paying citizen, I’m outraged at the gall that this dude had to pull this stunt.  As a person that is about to experience financial hardships myself, I’m pissed that I didn’t think of the idea first.  (I’m hoping this loophole doesn’t get shutdown in the future in case times get real ugly!*)  But seriously, both sides of the political fence are lining up to use Mr. Verone as a poster child for their cause to champion their ideas of Healthcare reform.  The Democrats and President Obama want to say that this is a clear example of how every person will get care, no matter how dire their situations are, and we will make our banks safer once more as an added bonus.  The Repubs are scrambling to say this is why we must stabilize our job markets so that this good meaning, law abiding citizen will be able to work again to finally afford the overpriced system as it is today.

I truly feel for Brother Verone, and I’ll never be quick to condemn a person who wants to do the right thing, but for whatever reasons are not able.  Hopefully, his case will bring enough attention to himself, that some deep pocketed pharmaceutical company or hospital will take pity/charity on him and cure him of all his ailments.

* I am just kidding about wanting to rob some banks for free healthcare.  I know how whatever you put in print will live forever in digital cache.

See, when it comes to change with all things music, I’m always hesitant to jump on the latest greatest thing.  I mean why change something that ain’t broken!  I never wanted to give up my vinyl and cassette tapes back in the day.  Hell, I didn’t buy my first CD until I went out to California in the Summer of 1995.

So one day in April, while staring around my office at the thousands of albums on shelves, in boxes and sitting on all of my hard drives it became clear that that I needed an easier way to listen to this music whenever I wanted.  My first idea was to try to come up with some snazzy invention where I can just couple some headphones with one of my terrabyte harddrives lying around and, voila … instant radio station! However, those plans are long-term and still being tweaked around in my invention book .  My desire to finally listen to and analyze my entire Joni Mitchell collection didnt want to wait while my prototype was being built.  Alas, I began the arduous task of researching what mp3 player would be the winner.  It actually wasn’t a difficult decision at all.  I wanted the largest one available on the market.  And fittingly enough, that was the iPod Classic.  I’ll do my music format upgrades slowly, thankyouverymuch!

Well I didn’t lose it, I just found myself in a self-imposed writer’s funk.  My sis had just died on the eve of my 35th birthday and suddenly I didn’t feel like talking about anything anymore.  I figured, I would never be able to top my last post dedicated to her, so nothing else could matter.  Riiight?

I was perfectly happy with letting my blog fade out into the sunset, but as it turns out, I have friends that always ask nag me about writing again.  Meh.  So I figured, with me needing to literally and figuratively get the lead out for school, I better start learning to love to write again.  Besides, I think it is also a good way to keep David Gaines happy and not fussing at me when he’s talking my ear off on the phone.

Thank you very much. Everybody is on pins and needles across the country, particularly those schools who are in the running for Danny Byers.

Are you ready to go Danny? Where is the powder?

Left it at home.

What’s new? What’s been going on with you this summer?

Man, this whole going back to school process, looking forward to it.

What have you thought about this process?

This process has been everything I’ve thought and more. And that’s what I did a few years ago; I put myself in a position to have this process where I can research law schools and figure out what was the best possible chance for me to ultimately get in, graduate and to ultimately be happy.

You weren’t able to be go to law school because you went straight to work from undergrad.  Have you enjoyed this application process now?

I can’t say that I have enjoyed it. And I want to thank all eight schools that I had an opportunity to visit and see what they had to offer.

It’s been an unbelievably nerve wracking experience, a real humbling experience to be even to be in this position.

What did you expect?  Because we’ve seen the faces of past applicants that haven’t been as fortunate. We’ve seen schools send you all kind of postcards and brochures.  We’ve seen the articles that say law school isn’t a wise investment during a bad economy. President Obama, for crying out loud, he and Attorney General Eric Holder, make going to law school look very chic and sexy.  What did you expect from this process?

Well, certain things like that is one thing you can’t control. But I expected to be able to go through this process and be able to sit down with my fam and sit across from each school and hear how they feel with me being a part of their student body, could help them and could ultimately help each other.

And the process was everything I expected and more. And like I said before, I just thank all those schools that have come to me have that application process. It was everything that I’ve ever expected and more.

How many people know your decision right now?

Not many. It’s a very, very small number. And I probably could count them on my fingers.

One hand or two hands?

Let’s say one.

When did you decide?

I think I decided in March.  I mean, I decided on my birthday.  I woke up one morning,  it’s this school.  I woke up another morning, it’s this area.  And it’s a process that I felt… it was… I may feel like this is the best opportunity for me or not the best opportunity for me.

But this March I woke up, had a great conversation with my mom. Once I had that conversation with her, I think I was set.

So the last time you changed your mind was March?

The last time I changed my mind was probably in my dreams. And when I wake up every morning I know it was the right decision.

So does the school that you’re going to, that you’ll announce in a few minutes, do they know your decision?

They just found out.

They just found out?

Yeah.

So the other seven, on pins and needles, they don’t know; they’ll be reading this?

Right.

Who in this process, Danny, have you taken advice from and who has had the biggest influence?

I’ve taken a lot of advice from my friends and family.  My agent, Jerry Maguire, has been great. A lot of people that I look towards in a time of need or for advice, and ultimately they looked at me and said you ultimately have to live with your decision that you’re going to make, and you have to do what’s best for you, for your family and for you to ultimately be happy.

What was the major factor, the major reason in your decision?

I think the major factor and the major reason in my decision was the best opportunity for me to learn and to fit in comfortably and to become a Judge in the future also.

And learning is a huge thing for me.  Jim, you know ever since I was a rookie or even in high school, we always talked, that was the number one thing for me:  Help my family and friends get better and just wanting to WIN like Charlie Sheen. And I’ve done some great things in my thirty seven years, and I want to continue to do that.

How deep of an evaluation do you have to do to go through that to figure out tomorrow, next year and beyond, that equation, that winning?

One thing that you can’t control is… you never know. You never know. You want to put yourself in the position where you feel that it’s the best opportunity. But saying I can win now or saying I can win in three years after graduation, those are things that you don’t know until you go out there and actually learn at school.

But you have to put yourself in the right position to be able to compete and also accomplish the goals that you set out for.

Do you have any doubts about your decision?

No. I don’t have any doubts at all.

Would you like to sleep on it a little longer, or are you ready to make this decision?

I’ve slept enough. Or the lack of sleep.

Are you still a nail biter?

I have a little bit. Not of late.

You’ve had everybody else biting their nails. So I guess it’s time for them to stop chewing. The answer to the question everybody wants to know: Danny, what’s your decision?

In this fall… this is very tough.  In this fall, I’m going to take my talents to South Beach and join the St. Thomas University Law School.

I probably won’t ever know the true cause of her death.  Her doctor’s will use the terms Staphylococcus Aureus and Toxic Shock Syndrome as the cause of her death, but I simply like to think of it as her having a panic attack because she was frequently being separated from her family during those crucial, final hours of her life.

For those that know me well, they know about my sister.  She loved everyone and she always was giving of herself despite her conditions.  You see, my sister has battled her whole adult life with addictions which unfortunately led to her being incarcerated for half of her life as well.  She was never a bad person, she just had a bad problem… hers was always the fear of the unknown.

The love my sister had for me was unbreakable, starting on day one of my life where she aptly named me Danny.  She would go on to accept the responsibility to raise my brother and I in her teenage years when most people are thinking about partying and sex.  She worked, clothed, fed, hustled…did whatever she could to give whatever she had to anyone around her that was in need.  Then the tables turned and she became the one that would be in need.  My family never stopped supporting her.

I, on the other hand, am embarrassed to say I spent many of the last 9 yrs not speaking with her as much as I could have.  I’d selfishly become bitter that she wouldn’t quit her addictions for her children and I.  She’d write me countless letters and cards.  She’d call often, until I blocked my phone from long distance calls from my nephew running up my bill to strangers from myspace (which adversely blocked collect calls from her).  She never gave up hope on me, coming back to her.

I owe it to my good friend Omar Pettis on being instrumental in getting my head right about my sister.  For without him telling me what an ass I was being by not talking with my sister and that I’d someday regret it, I would not have got to share many of the past 2 yrs with her.  My good friend Anne Lambert acted as my emotional mediary for my sister and I when I just didn’t have the right words to express.  Truth is, I never stopped loving my sister ever.  In fact, it was the exact opposite.

I only wanted her to get better, to do better, to want more.  In my oft-times twisted, warped rationalization of things, I felt if I did not shower my sister with attention and material things while she was locked up, that she’d have something to look forward to even more so when she returned to the outside.  We’d be best of friends again.  She’d teach me about the streets, I’d teach her about the world.  We’d travel and laugh at each other again.  We’d listen to her damn favorite records over and over and over til I got tired and left the room.  She had under 6 months left to be freed and this time would be different for everyone.

Among my sister’s personal belongings was a journal she recently started jan 01, 2009.  She wrote everyday on how she had complete faith in God and how her life was changing for the better.  She was praying everyday on how life would be differently once she transferred to Charlotte.  She never named me exclusively, but I know that had a lot to do with her excitement.  I’m glad I got to visit as much as I could, got her all the things she needed to make herself comfortable.  After about maybe three weeks of being in Charlotte, she mysteriously was rushed out of town because of “Administrative reasons.”  No official word of why.   It turns out she contracted a small stomach virus that probably could have been cured immediately if she just visited a hospital in town.  But after 2 weeks of secrecy, and being shuffled around without anyone getting to see her or talk to her, my beautiful sister is no longer with us.

I’m angry because she didn’t get to experience life as she was supposed to see it.  I’m thankful I got to hold her hand and talk to her in her final days alive.  I’m grateful I got to play her favorite song to her over and over and over in what would become her final hour.  It’s poignantly prophetic, actually, Klymaxx – I Miss You.

Thank you for the birthday present that I’ll never forget.  I love you Deena, your little brother Danny.

10: Pretty Woman (1990): Richard Gere, Julia Roberts.
Every woman’s fantasy is to be swept off her feet by her Knight in Shining Armor.  In this case, the Knight is a multimillionaire and the girl is a prostitute.  Only in Hollywood can this happen.  Fellas, no matter what they say, you can’t turn a…Oh hum.. into a housewife.

09: Ghost (1990): Demi Moore, Patrick Swayze.
Dog!  You give up a guaranteed trip to Heaven to hang around Earth to follow your girl around?  That’s gangsta or stalking to the Nth degree.  Either way you should expect a little spiritual love connection after watching this flick.

08: An Officer and a Gentleman (1982): Richard Gere, Debra Winger, Louis Gossett, Jr.
If I had to sum up this movie in one word, it’d be “determination”.  If you never give up on your dreams, anything is possible.

07: Jerry Maguire (1996): Tom Cruise, Renee Zellweger, Cuba Gooding, Jr.
C’mon, three words sum this movie up.  You Complete Me.  If you ain’t making out at the end of this movie, I don’t know what else to do for you!

06: When Harry Met Sally (1989): Meg Ryan, Billy Crystal.
This movie explores the taboo topic of “Can two people of the opposite sex be friends even after they’ve slept together.”  This phenomena is also affectionately known as friends with benefits.

05: Love & Basketball(2000): Omar Epps, Sanaa Lathan.
Ever have to chose between something you love and someone you love?  This movie, in short, explores the possibility of you getting your cake and eating it too.

04: Out of Sight (1998): J.Lo, George Clooney.
This romantic comedy just goes to show that opposites really do attract.  It’s a modern day cops and robbers story where the tables are turned and its a woman cop chasing the bad guy.  George and Jennifer have a magical chemistry on screen that makes you wonder what went on when the cameras weren’t rolling.

03: When a Man Loves a Woman(1994): Meg Ryan, Andy Garcia.
..To have and to hold.  For richer and for poorer.  To love through the good times and the bad.  Have you ever stayed with someone whom you know got issues?  Drugs, mental, financial, etc.?  Andy Garcia proves that nothing can shake his love in this tearjerker.  By the end of the movie you are hoping to get a glimpse of the voodoo doll Meg has to be hiding away of Andy.  No guy can be this whipped.  Alas, he’s just the epitome of patience.  On second thought, don’t watch this movie with your girl unless you really want to answer the question of  “Why you can’t be more like him?”

02: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004): Jim Carey, Kate Winslet.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you wish you had never met that person?  This movie takes that concept to the extreme once Jim Carey accidentally finds out his ex-girlfriend had an experimental procedure done to erase him from her memories.  Not to be outdone, he rushes to have the same procedure done himself only to realize once again all of the things he really loved about his ex in the first place.

01: Love Jones(1997): Larenz Tate, Nia Long.
Smart, funny, sexy and sophisticated is this love story which captures the essence of most young, educated African-Americans today.  This movie has the distinction of being my favorite movie of all time, so I am a little biased.  While the plot at a high level is simplistic: boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy loses girl, the characters are realistic and personable and is truly what makes this movie fascinating.

Honorable Mentions:

Vanilla Sky (2000): Penelope Cruz, Tom Cruise.
The English Patient (1996): Ralph Fiennes, Juliette Binoche
Sleepless in Seattle (1993): Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan
Legends of the Fall (1994): Brad Pitt, Julia Ormond
The Notebook (2004): Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams
Jason’s Lyric (1994): Allen Payne, Jada Pinkett Smith
Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008): Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem, Scarlett Johansson

I can’t really explain it.  James Taylor sang about it best.  There is something magical about growing up in North Carolina that maybe only people in boston and new york or michigan and ohio can understand.  It’s often called one of the best rivalries in all of sports–the Carolina-Duke rivalry.  The real 8 mile (sorry Eminem).  The Dean.  Coach K.  Grant Hill straddling the back of a bloodied Eric Montross after a monster dunk.  Danny Green putting deez nuts in Paulus’s face on a one handed jam.  It’s Michael Jordan, Christian Laettner, Jerry Stackhouse, Elton Brand…the list of household names almost seem endless.

Whoever your favorite player or whatever you favorite memory of the series maybe, one thing is absolutely certain.  There is no other basketball game that is as anticpated each year as these 2 meetings.  Two of the four all time winningest basketball programs in the world beating the crap out of each other no matter how many All-Americans or walkons grace the teams year in and year out.  The games almost always go down to the wire to determine the winner, yet in the end everyone wins because we have just witnessed 40 minutes of amazing competitiveness.  This is how the game is meant to be played.  Passion, outstanding individual performances, teamwork and defense, crazed fans and unsung heroes.   In our day and age, when steriods and scandal are running rampant through sports, it’s good to celebrate amateur athletes performing on the grandest stage of them all, fueled by the sheer desire to not lose to the team in the other shade of blue.  Especially if its Dookie Blue!